Dessert Pants

My company is in the process of transitioning into a new office. The building itself has been in existence for awhile, sandwiched between familiar land marks like the Empire State Building and equally recognizable (yet not as tourist-inspiring) squat roof-top water towers. Because the twelfth floor is now OUR FLOOR, personal touches were unquestionably necessary. All of the trapping of redecoration were employed (stripping, tearing, sanding, caulking, gutting) practices that sound on par with a violent pillage. I had already bore witness to the process years before when my Parents were building a house. Since then I envision Contractors to be Vikings in hard-hats. They pat flustered customers on the shoulder with their clipboards and assure them, amidst piles of dust and smoking wires, that what lays before them will some day (pending schedule) be beautiful. As for us, the glory of a fully functional, completely chic establishment remains to be see. I knew better than to hope for a smooth transition. What I didn't anticipate was the opportunity to influence a portion of the space. Last week, I was asked to mull over paint samples and pick out potential colors for the kitchen. I tried not to read into the request (I am a girl. Girls spend alot of time in the Kitchen. Girls know what a Kitchen should look like...no, not really.) I chose a light shade of yellow labeled Lemon Sorbet. I was hungry at the time, which inadvertently swayed me towards food-inspired titles. The finality of my empty-stomach-based selection was not realized until the following Wednesday when I was introduced to the freshly painted space. Crucial information had been withheld from me. I hadn't been told that the ceilings were gray, as well as the floor. Set against a dark border, the mellow yellow became radioactive. Everyone shook their heads. I had failed at my gender-given task. Refusing to be discouraged, I backtracked and rebounded with a less controversial tan. Lemon Sorbet was promptly concealed under a thick layer of Khaki. No use crying over misplaced paint.

If I continue to lack focus in regards to my life, I may look into becoming a Paint Sample Namer. Two Reasons: First, power. I would be the person who makes couples sweat it out in the isles of Home Depot, agonizing over the seemingly endless differences between Moonlight White and Simply White. Who else can say that their authority resides in the careful manipulation of nuanced details? Second, originality. My paint samples would be items, emotions, situations we all are aware of but never have considered...

Current Working Ideas:

1. 5'o Clock Flush (watery Pink)
2. Farmer's Tan (ruddy Red)
3. Talk Radio (garish Green)
4. Silent Treatment (Muted Gray)
5. Bread Ends (Crusty Brown)

Until I get the chance to peddle my ideas to Sherwin Williams, my dessert walls will just have to be patient and wear pants.