Today on the front page of my local newspaper, there was a picture of a woman's butt cheeks being heaved around by a TSA employee, followed by the headline "U.S. Firm on Airport Security." Many have complained about these new pat-down standards. TSA has been advertising the mandates as a necessary evil - groping that is thwarting terrorism, one boob caress and groin tap at a time. While this may (or probably may not) be true, the way the media has portrayed the story is hilarious. Most of the time, articles come from the perspective of human rights violations. However, their hard-hitting quality immediately dissolves upon looking at coinciding sidebars - slapstick-y photos that reek of embarrassment and latex gloves. Inspired by such images, I decided to take cues from print news and fashion some headlines of my own. Enjoy.
AIRPORTS REMAIN ABREAST ON NEW SECURITY MEASURES
"All female chests are being classified as a double threat," says Janet Napolitano, chief of Homeland Security
PASSENGERS GET SHORT END OF THE STICK
"Before each flight, I like to put my wand in the toaster over so it isn't too cold," states Edna Williams, Newark TSA employee
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