Mane n' Tail

My dad loves a deal.

I needed a shower.

The two are related.

I swear.

I go for a jog.

I sweat.

I come home, enter the bathroom, turn on the spigot above the tub, pull back the sticky plastic curtain.

I get in.

I shampoo my hair.

I shave my pits.

I reach for the conditioner on the ledge.

The bottle is economically thick.

Heavier than the slender packaging of Pantene Pro V, Herbal Essence, Suave.

I squeeze a bit into my palm, rake it through my scalp.

Hands now free, I turn the bottle over, scan the label.

The silhouette of two galloping steeds is followed by a description.

Mane n' Tail

(The Original)

Directions for Human Use: Apply Mane n' Tail. The amount used will depend on the length and volume of hair. Let conditioner remain for 1-2 minutes. Rinse out, dry and style as usual.

Directions for Animal Use: Apply liberally at base of mane and tail, working formula out to entire length of hair. A wet, glossy look will appear until absorbed into hair and skin. Can be used to condition the entire body. Keep away from eyes and mucus membranes.

I walk with a gait in my step for the remainder of the day.

Toss my bangs from side to side.

Later Dad catches me tearing up the lawn with my teeth.

"Shit, Addie! I just seeded that patch!"

I skitter away from his grip, nostrils flared, gums stained green.

Defeated, Dad begins to trudge back towards the house, suitcase flopping against his kneecaps.

I come to a halt.

I spit out a mangled dandelion stem.

"Hey! It's not my fault! I'm not the one who does the grocery shopping!"